Want or Need?
by kr3ativ23
Summary: Catherine's pregnant she doesn't know if the father is Lou Vartann her fiancee or Nicky the bad boy lover. Nick is a drunk he's trying to cope after the Jekyll shooting. Set 6 months after Meat Jekyll Slight AU, Nick is a bad boy. WARNING CHARACTER DEATH!
1. Booty Call

Want or Need?

'Vartann is husband material however Nicky my boy makes me feel so alive. But now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place' Catherine POV. Story is set six months after Meat Jekyll, Lou and Catherine are engaged and Nick is on a slippery slope towards disaster because of the shooting.

Ch1: Booty Call

* * *

Oh how did I get myself in this mess? I feel awful actually a little more than awful I can't find the word for this.

I've been sleeping with Nick on an off for a few years now. There is something about him, and something many of you do not know about him. He is very bad the last few years he's been a little unpredictable. He tried not to be out of line at work, however everywhere else he was. He has been suspended a few times especially recently but he was still a damn good CSI.

Nick started working out like crazy, he learned hand to hand combat.

However we started sleeping together after he was buried alive, it's was wrong but something about Nick was different. We stopped when Ecklie investigated Grissom and Sara's relationship. We stopped to save our own ass, we liked each other but we liked our jobs more.

Then I have Vartann, Vartann and I just recently got engaged. I really do love him, he's funny, sweet, kind and he's just special.

Whatever Lou lacked Nick made up for and vice versa. I couldn't or can't bring myself to leave either of them. However now I'm getting to a point in my life where I need to decide. What example am I setting for my daughter? God forbid she ever finds out!

Nick knows about me and Lou but, nobody knows about Nick and me. Nick was a bachelor and I was the only person Nick was sleeping with on a more typical basis.

Lou was a wine and dine fellow while Nick probably was too but the side of Nick I saw was a backseat, behind the courthouse, or in the bathroom stalls kind of love. I love them both but both men I had different love for, both men were so different especially towards me.

Unfortunately, I hated lying Lou but seeing Nick made that feeling go away. Or when I would see Lou after a fight with Nick, in a sick twisted way I was using both men.

And now I'm sitting in court thinking about this, every time I go to think about something else I get drawn back to think about it. I watch as Greg testifies about some case the name even slips my mind. I felt my phone vibrate.

'U still at the courthouse?' Nick texted

'Yea u?'

'I just finished u want 2 meet up somewhere?'

'Behind the courthouse or the garage?'

'Courthouse in 5, ok' he sent back quickly, I quietly left the courtroom. That was typically how long our conversations were about this topic.

"Hey babe" Lou said

"Hey you, when do you testify?" I asked

"In like two minutes, you want to get a bite to eat afterwards?"

"Sure, good luck" I gave him a sweet kiss on his cheek and he left.

I met Nick in the usual spot. I can't believe that this is our 'meeting spot' behind the courthouse with the risk so high of getting caught and both our careers being in jeopardy we still meet here… a lot.

* * *

"I gotta to talk to you..." I say pulling my skirt down.

"About what?" Nick said zipping his pants and fixing his belt.

"Lou asked me to marry him,"

"Ok?" Nick says buttoning my shirt, as I fixed my hair.

"What do you mean 'ok'?"

"What do you want me to say?" he said resting against the brick building loosening his tie. What did I want him to say what was I going to say? "I mean..." he says lightly rubbing my arm "I mean... He asked you but your still with me behind the courthouse, why what did you say?" he says confused.

"I said yes.."

"How romantic?" Nick mocked I pushed him back. I started to walk back to the front of the courthouse. I hear Nick follow me.

"You're a jerk, Nick" I say he laughs.

"Ok? Well I can obviously tell you are not happy with him, or you wouldn't keep coming back"

"Don't flatter yourself" I said turning around "what's going on with you? Why are you being such a jerk?"

"I am not! Besides you know you love it... So are you going to marry him?" he laughs.

"I don't know"

"Do you want to? Because it doesn't seem like you do?"

"Don't say that! You don't know!" I yell he rolls his eyes making me angrier with him.

"Then explain it to me... Huh? you say yes to him but have sex with me?" he said as his phone beeped, he looked at it. He was actually a little upset that I was marrying Lou or was it something else. "I gotta go" he said leaving me alone to think... Again.

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I fixed it up a bit. Reviews?


	2. Control

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_**Chapter 2: Control**_

* * *

I checked my appearance again in the mirror I wanted to make sure I didn't look like I just had sex.

Nick and I had three rules about our _somewhat_ relationship:

**First rule:** don't ever talk about it

**Second rule:** no hickeys

**Third rule:** has two parts, first part never in the lab and second part always have a plan just in case they almost get caught.

I left the Tahoe and joined Lou at the table.

"Hey babe" he said giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey how'd you do?"

"Good, it was weird I haven't testified in awhile"

"I hate testifying sometimes besides that though, how are you?"

"I'm fine; you aren't wearing your ring"

"We talked about this..."

"So when do you want to tell people?"

"I'm not sure I told Lindsay and my mom and... Everyone else who needed to know? I guess we could start telling everyone" I reached in my purse and put my ring on, he kisses my hand.

* * *

I returned to the lab and Greg and Sara stopped to talk about a case.

"Cath, can I ask you something?" Greg asked.

"Sure"

"In our case there was a woman she cheated on her husband, she was attacked... Do we tell the husband about the other man or no?" what are you serious? Way to make me feel uncomfortable but I have to be cool.

"Umm... Who is to say the husband doesn't already know?" scary thought I think to myself what if Lou knows he doesn't. There is no way he knows.

"That is what I said?" Sara quickly adds stopping my own thought.

"We won't know until we ask" Greg asked back.

"Ask the wife if she thinks he knows... Then ask the husband. Who does the evidence lead too?

"Husband!" Greg yelled

"Boyfriend!" Sara yelled at the same time as Greg.

"It's up to you; it's your call whether you tell the husband?" I asked

"Cath... Is that a ring on your finger?"

"Yes" I said proud, Sara hugged me and then Greg.

"Congrats Cath"

"Thank you guys" I said smiling, Nick came up from behind Sara and Greg. He put his hand on her shoulder in a somewhat friendly gesture, but he wanted to make me jealous and for some reason I was.

"What's going on over here?" he asked, Sara shook Nick's hand off. Not a lot of people liked Nick anymore, which is sad. Nick was having trouble dealing with the shooting and wouldn't talk to anyone.

"Catherine is engaged"

"Congrats Cath" Nick said hugging me and then left.

"Did you hear about what happened with him and Brass?" Sara whispers as Greg leaves to talk on his phone.

"No what happened?" I asked pulling Sara to me as I started walking towards my office.

"Brass and he were chasing a suspect, Nick catches the man and punches him in the face and breaks his nose... I knew he probably wouldn't tell you but apparently Ecklie was pissed so expect to be hearing from him later" Sara said sitting in my office.

"How many times has Nick been suspended since the Jekyll shooting?"

"3 times... Cath if he doesn't change they will make him take leave"

"I know but what can we do? I've tried talking to him?"

"Well we need to figure something out I heard from people that he has found comfort in the bottle"

"I've heard that too" I said, I've seen Nick get overly intoxicated quite a few times but god I hope he's not an alcoholic.

"He's out of control" don't I know it.

"well, try talking to him again you, Greg, and Ray, are the only friends he has left" unfortunately she was right, he had burned all the lab techs, Brass found him as a liability as well as other detectives, after the shooting the uniform officers turned their back to him, and he had said nasty things to Sara in a drunken rant.

After shift I drove to Nick's house, he wasn't suspended he was just asked go home early. I lazily knocked on his door he answered and just looked at me sipping his beer.

"Are you going to invite me in?" I asked, he didn't say anything just gave me a wave and sat back on the couch.


	3. Colors

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_**Colors**_

* * *

I sat across from him, he didn't look at me he placed the empty beer bottle on the coffee table an opened another. Thunder shook the ground and the lightening lit the room, it had been storming for hours. Rain makes a very troubling noise, it makes me very wary the noise it makes when it hits the window.

"You want one?" he asked

"No... Are you sure that is a good idea? Haven't you had enough?"

"Geez mom I'm sorry" he said taking a long swig, he chuckles finally looking at me. "So what did you come over here for? You going to give me the same lecture as Ecklie cause if you are the door is right there" he said getting up he opened the door.

"Nick you are out of control, if you keep this up you are going to lose your job"

"You didn't even ask me if I did... Just for the record I didn't. The punk fell and hit his face on a trashcan he swung at me, I tackled him and then Brass came over and the punk told Brass I hit him. But I didn't! Ok so save you're out of control speech for when I really deserve it, alright?"

"Oh Nick shut the door... It's not about today; you are not the same person what is going on?"

"Nothing..."

"Well I know that's not true"

"Well then you tell me what's up?"

"Nick..."

"Catherine" He mocked he drank some more and turned his attention to the TV. I took the remote and turned it off, that made him angry, he sighed and looked sternly at me. "What?"

"Talk to me"

"About what?" he nervously chuckled

"You! These last couple months you have just been out of control" Nick stood up

"Coming from you! Are you serious?"

"What is that suppose?"

"You tell me you have all the answers... Or seem too"

"You're an ass Nick"

"And you're a whore so we're even" I slapped him; he looks away then looked back at me. He bites his lip, almost like he is actually sorry. I can't keep doing this to myself, I have higher standards that for some reason I really don't apply to him. The person that truly needs it.

"Goodbye Nicky" I walk out to my Tahoe I go to open my door. I hear Nick behind me, sloshing in the puddles. Nick shuts my door, and turns me to look at me. He doesn't say anything right away, his hair is already wet and falling. He hasn't really been taking care of himself in the grooming aspect of things, I mean he shaves but he doesn't do anything special with his hair, some morning he _forgets _to comb it and _forgets_ to shave_._

"Cath wait, I'm sorry" he said gently grabbing my hand.

"You say some pretty mean things Nick"

"Sorry... It's been a tough day" he kisses my hand "you are the only friend I got left I don't want to lose you too"

"I'm not your only friend" he leaned close as if to give me a kiss but stopped.

"You're kidding right?"

"Well no Greg and Ray are still your friends"

"Greg is two face and Dr. Ray is a very noble man" he said changing his accent, I chuckle it was funny.

"Well I'm sorry Nick but you have burned a lot of people..."

"That's not true..."

"What about Sara?"

"She started it, so what I'm the bad one because I yelled back"

"Nick I didn't mean it like that. But before you would never raise your voice" I said as our fingers entwine he lifts me onto the driver seat.

"A lot has changed since then..." he gently kisses me "including me"

"You don't say..." I said as he kisses me.

* * *

I woke up and looked around for my clothes. God Damn! The only thing I needed to do was not sleep with Nick and that was really the only thing we did do a... couple times.

I look at Nick the sheet is tangled around his waist. The scar on his chest was just turning the shade of the rest of his skin.

He slept peacefully this is the only time I ever see him so relaxed and maybe even happy. He scratches his face and scrunches his nose his eyes flutter open and he smiles at me. He gently reaches for my hand

"Are you leaving?" he asks so softly I swear my heart might have slipped a beat.

"Yea..."

"Let me walk you out" he said without really moving he sat up and leaned over to wear his pants were. I pushed him down and planted a hot kiss on him. Nick lay back down.

"Go to sleepy Nicky believe me you need it" he was back to sleep before I left. I peek once more in the room, he sleeps so strangely. I know this is hurting him more than helping but what am I suppose to do. Leave him would seem like the logical choice but it's not. Nick has no friends and is so close to the edge that gravity is confused to why he hasn't fallen yet. I don't want to lose Nick as a friend.

I want Nick really want him, and he needs me. It's nice to feel needed but not depended on, if that makes sense. I need him to, I feel like he is the only one I can turn too. He never judges me about anything, when I'm with Nick everything I different and even I feel different.

I need Lou because he can be my rock and I want him to be my rock, and he wants me in a different but similar way as Nick.

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Please Review! Nick or Lou? This story is about to get very twisted, thanks to Nicky just review and wait to see


	4. Twisted Depression Meets Desire

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Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Twisted Depression Meets Desire

* * *

It's been about three days since Nick and I last slept together, to be honest it has two days and thirteen hours and several minutes since I left Nick's.

I have entered a situational depression I haven't left the lab since the beginning of shift two days ago. Matter of fact I don't think I have spoken a word or left my office besides for cases.

I look at my computer and sigh... Blah... I heard Nick open the door; he gently knocked on the door. He walk closer to me, he knelt next to me turned my chair so that I was facing him.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine..."

"I don't believe that come on now, you sound like me... What's wrong?" he asked brushing my hair behind my ear.

"Besides the fact that I'm an awful person?"

"You are not an awful person! Believe me I know because everyone in this lab says I am"

"You are not"

"Then in no way in hell are you!" he said he slightly raised his voice a little. He looked at me deeply confused; I look away from his gaze. He gently places his hand on my shoulder "if it's about us... Or me. I can leave"

"No Nicky it's not you..."

"Than what is it? I hate seeing you like this... You haven't been yourself in days"

"I don't know, Nicky"

"Ok, but if you find out way please tell me?"

"I will..." I look up and see Lou by the door "you should go..." I whisper he nods and leaves me to my lonely sulking depression. I hear mumbles I look up and Nick turns back and walks to Lou saying something I can't really hear.

Nick pushes Lou hard, Lou returns a hard shove. Nick grabs Lou but Greg and Brass is both there. Brass place his hands on Nick and shoves him back, Nick let's go of Lou holding his hands up in surrender while smirking. Nick walks away out of sight and Lou walks into my office.

"Hey what the hell is up with Stokes?"

"I don't know... I'm not in the mood right now"

"What's wrong?"

"Ugh... I don't know"

"Well you seemed awfully chatting with Nick, what your fiancée doesn't get the same honor?"

"It's not even that jeez... I'm just having a bad day"

"All you had to say was you were... Well you know"

"No I don't know, please elaborate for me?"

"Whoa babe I didn't mean it like that I'm sorry, I'm just really pumped that's all... I know I shouldn't take it out on you" Lou said hugging me I hug him back.

"Sorry I have just been on edge lately"

"Well I understand and believe me I do" he said looking out the window to where I last saw Nick. "I know he's your friend in all babe but be careful"

"What you think he will hurt me?"

"If he ever touched you I would kill him but he's not going anywhere but down and when it hits the fan it sprays"

"Nick and I are good friends..." _real_ good friends "he wouldn't do that to me. Just because you and him almost got into a fight doesn't mean he would do that to me. Nick would never raise his hand to me or any woman"

"This isn't the same Nick that you became friends with…"

"Who are you to speak of Nick? He has had a rough past couple months I don't excuse his actions however I do understand. Everyone is so quick just to turn their backs on him he's been through a lot"

"So has Officer Clark's family" he said leaving my office I can't believe that. Clark and Lou are good friends… were good friends. It is like Nick and Lou just switched their personalities. What the hell? My phone buzzed I looked on it Nicky.

"Lou, he hates me too? I don't want to cause anymore stress so what do you want me to do?"

"Nicky… I'm not sure if he really ever liked you"

"I know but what do you want to do?"

"What are you doing tonight?"

"Nothing, you want to go out?"

"Where?"

"I don't know somewhere out of town, we can go like bowling or something?"

"Bowling? You sound mighty chipper today? What is up with you?"

"First you were mad at me for being sad and out of control? Now you're mad because I'm happy? You are confusing?"

"I'm not mad… I'm just confused. You are a confusing man, Stokes"

"I've been told…"

"Well we need be careful, Lou is mad at me and I can't really have any more drama with him right now?"

"Ok _careful_ is… is my middle name?" he kids

"Hardly, Nick" I chuckled

* * *

Nick and I travelled all the way to Bolder City, was a fresh atmosphere from Vegas. Getting away from everyone and trying to sneak away with Nick was hard. It was strange I haven't played bowling in years actually the last time I played bowling was the first time Nick and I were together. It was six weeks after he was buried alive; Grissom wanted Nick to be social again so we did team bonding. I drove Nick home then we had drinks and well one thing led to another and here we are today.

"Do you want go first?" Nick said lacing his shoes

"Alright, prepare to get your ass kicked"

"Oh no..."

A few lanes later we sat eating some bowling arcade food. He took my smoothie and started drinking it I took it right from his mouth leaving his lips puckered. It was very cute, if you ask me.

"I started talking to the department shrink" he said looking down.

"Nicky that is great" I said he took a swig of his beer "how'd that go?"

"Perfect" he said taking a long swig.

"Well what happened?" I asked he reluctantly pulled the bottle away from his lips.

"Well she said I haven't dealt with my problems or whatever and it's all pent inside which has made me angry and caused me to lash out and stuff"

"She's right"

"I figured you would say that" I shot him a glare "but... I'm working to get back to... normal. She thinks I may have a problem with alcohol" he said finishing his beer ironically.

"How'd that make you feel?"

"Well, Dr. Willows I feel like that's a pile of horse shit"

"You don't think you have a problem with alcohol?"

"No! My.. My father was an alcoholic I'm not like... I don't want to talk about it anymore" Nick said slightly aggravated.

* * *

After we went bowling we stopped at a bar/restaurant we sat together at the bar. I didn't drink I have to drive us home.

"Are you better now?" he tilted my head up. "I saw you smile at the bowling alley and you laughed"

"Yea I am... Just curious what happened between you and Lou today?"

"Ahh... I was waiting for you to ask me" he said leaning back a little. "When I left your office he called me a nut job and that was right after talking to the shrink. I called him out on it and he said I must be hearing voices so I pushed him and he pushed me I grabbed him then Brass pushed me and I flipped him off and left"

"Oh sorry"

"Don't be... So now that I've been talking about... My feelings... What about you?" he trailed off looking passed me then looking down clearly his throat and looked like he saw a ghost. "Um never mind"

"What's wrong you look like you saw a ghost?" he didn't answer, I went to turn and look but he gently held my face.

"Don't look"

"Who is it?"

"Lou..." he whispers handing me his hoodie "put this on so he doesn't recognize you" I was in shell shock. Nick was lying had to be lying. I turn and see Lou walking in with a brunette. I quickly threw his sweater and put my shades on. Lou was cheating no way there had to be another reason... Maybe family? Old friend? Maybe for a case? He would never do that to me... Would he?

* * *

Please Review! The story is about to get crazy! Sorry I haven't updated in a while it's been extremely crazy here as well. Please Review!


	5. Unclear Fate

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Disclaimer: I won nothing... yet :(

**Unclear Fate**

* * *

Nick was able to distract Lou so I could slip out, I pulled the car up but Nick didn't come out until fifteen minutes later. His shirt was a little stretched out by the collar.

"She's a Private Investigator" he mumbled. Thank god he wasn't cheating. "He thinks you are cheating"

"Oh Fuck!" I said hitting Nick's steering wheel, I look at Nick who is glowing with anger. "What happened?"

"I asked him who he's with and he said she's a PI so relax, Stokes. I looked at the photos and he grabbed me and just went off and yelling at me and shit... I swung to punch him he pushed me then the bartender told me to get out"

"Ahhh... What am I going to do?" I said to myself now I'm in trouble.

"None of the photos were away good? None of them can prove you are cheating"

"Are you in any?"

"Yea... Just the back of my head you can't see my face in any of them"

* * *

I drove buzzed Nick to his house, he was drunk not buzzed and once he relaxed he fell right asleep. Nick doesn't snore he hums kind of; it's not like a song it's just a sleepy hum. What am I going to do? Should I confront Lou or not? I could scream with anxiety.

"Nicky... Nicky wake up... You're home"

"Oh yep... You want to come inside?" I know what will happen if I go inside and so does he. Is it bad that I do want to go inside and blow off steam? I think it is and isn't.

"Yea..." I whisper, we barely made it to his bedroom. He stumbles and falls on the bed leaving me on top, I strip him of his shirt. His hands are on my waist; his one is trying to unbutton my pants the other is playing with a belt loop.

All of a sudden we hear a loud knocking at his front door. I fall off Nick, he groans trying to untangle hands and fingers from my belt loops.

"Who is that?" I ask in a harsh whisper

"I don't know" he replies

"Go find out" I say pushing him away another knock.

"Hold on!" Nick says kind of shutting the door leaving just enough for me to see. Nick opens the door and it's Lou.

I have to cover my mouth to prevent myself from screaming.

"What do you want?" Nick asks angered.

"You can't tell Cath that I hired a private investigator"

"Give me one reason not to? Catherine is my best friend..."

"You mean you're only friend" I slipped and hit the dresser making a loud thud noise. "Who's here?" Lou asks I peek through the bottom of the door; Nick and Lou both are looking at the door.

"Some girl I picked up at the bar" Nick lied; Lou grimaced at the door and at Nick.

"You better not tell Catherine"

"Why not? I think she should know"

"She will hate you for trying to destroy her relationship"

"No but once she hears what you said she will strongly reconsider her relationship with you..." Nick said but Lou punches Nick in the gut. Nick kneeled over on all fours and Tony pushes him over with his foot.

"Don't talk about her or us... You better not tell her" Lou says to Nick before leaving. I wait for the car to leave before I leave Nick's room.

"Are you alright?" I ask lightly touching his shoulder, he quickly stands and shrugs off my grip.

"I'm fine..."

"Nick..." I reach for him again but again he shrugs me off. "Nick..."

"I think you should go" he said angered at me, which I guess I deserve.

"Nick..."

"Stop! We can't keep doing this, I can't keep bending over backwards for you and..." he said trailing off his own anger stopping him.

"Say it?"

"Do I have to spell it out? I'm sneaking around with you with our pretend relationship and I get what in return a sucker punch to the gut"

"You weren't complaining when you were on top of me?"

"Well, mattress is a mattress" he said I turned away and felt my eyes fill with tears.

"I guess I would expect this... from you" I hint his while face lights up in anger.

"From me? Would do you expect from me? Huh... Oh what for me to tell you I love you and shit like that, you don't expect that from me as it is and you already have a man for that"

"Don't talk about Lou. That's why you're acting like this... You're jealous?"

"Hardly, you think I'm jealous of you two please... I'm already sleeping with you and I didn't need to put some fancy ring on your finger for that... You said it yourself this is just sex"

"You're jealous because I have a family to go home and now it will get bigger with Lou... I have people to come home" he looks away

"I moved away from my family what makes you think I want one here? I just wanted a piece of ass and you were there... That's all don't get mad at me because you decided to stick around" he said it very nonchalantly. I was left speechless he left towards the fridge and pulled out a beer.

"You are a jerk"

"I've been told"

"This is why no one likes you? You act like it doesn't bother you but I know it does... It eats away at you and you lash or bury yourself in a bottle" he throws the bottle and it explodes on the wall right behind me. I feel the alcohol trickle on my back and feet.

"Just leave" he said leaving to his room, I put on my shoes and leave.

Well this sucks. This was long overdue, but I didn't want it to happen this way.

* * *

Please Review :) !


	6. Karma from a Baby

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Ch6 Karma from a Baby

* * *

"Mom! Mom!" Lindsay yells waking me I feel her move onto my bed.

"Hey honey, shouldn't you be at school?"

"I'm leaving now, I'm telling you we ran out of pads... I got to go love you"

She gives me a kiss and runs off.

"Love you too..." I say as the front shuts. I just bought pads... Yea it was right after I had my period. I think it was last month, or the month before. Oh shit! I jump out of bed and run to the bathroom, I search through the bathroom cabinet no pads nothing. "Oh this can't be happening!" I cry up against the cabinet, how is it that I'm late and didn't even know it. I slap the cabinet before opening it again. I know I have a pregnancy test hiding behind everything in here. I hold up the box up my hands are shaking tremendously and sweating. I'm on the verge of I total and utter panic attack, just stay calm. I repeat to myself. I pee on the stick and now I wait my future marriage and any hopes of a healthy relationship with Nick hang in the balance.

I have had unprotected sex with... Both men. I don't know what I was thinking, but I thought I was too old to have any more children. I had a trust with both men not a trust to have a family with them but just a special trust that causes you to have unprotected sex... I guess.

I won't mind starting a family with Lou it would actually make sense but Nick on the other hand. Oh god no.

If this test comes back positive I will just die I think. I don't know who the father is or will be, and then Lou will probably leave me and Nick will be switched to a different shift. I will have to tell everyone what a whore I've become... Or have been.

I hear my timer go off but I'm too scared to even turn it off. I don't want to pick up test, but I have too. I pick it up but I don't look at it. I peek one eye open... Pregnant. Is what it reads, I feel my legs go like jelly and I fall in my butt. I cry for a good forty minutes before I'm composed enough to move. I reach for my phone and call Lou.

"Hey babe"

"Hey..." I say trying to sound happy.

"What's up are you alright?"

"I need to talk to you"

"Give me a few minutes" he replies and hangs up. I'm not going to tell him about Nick and me... Or at least not right now. I sat in the fetal position on my sofa it was 23 minutes before Lou came over he let he in and sat across from me on the couch.

"I need to talk to you" I whisper

"What's wrong?" from his face I could tell he was more worried than me.

"I'm pregnant" I pretended to be excited and I gave him a hug, he reluctantly hugged me back. "What's wrong? Aren't you happy?" I said pulling away.

"Yea I am I'm just... A little shocked right now"

"Me too..."

"Wow... You're pregnant" he said in awe, it didn't seem real his emotions he seems angry with me.

"That's not it..."

"What else?" he asks really angry, he knows something is up.

"You may not... You may not be the father. There has been someone else" I say embarrassed and ashamed. But I felt that it would be best to just tell him now. I feel him leave the couch; he turns and looks at me his hands buried in his hair.

"How long?" he asks his voice getting louder.

"For awhile now" I whisper wiping away tears.

"How could you do this?" he said with his own tears I hug him but he pushes me back on to the couch.

"Lou..." I whisper, I deserve this but I can't lose him.

He grabs my arm, tight. He was squeezing it so tight, hurting me. I groan in pain and he loosens the grip.

"Who?" I didn't answer "with who?" he screamed at me and I looked away. His grip tightened yet again and I tried to shake off his grip.

"Lou please stop!" I cry he pushes me back on to the couch, he storms out the door and I follow. "Lou I'm sorry"

"Give me my ring back" he said in a harsh tone. I reluctantly give it to him.

"Please Lou. I love you" I say holding his hand he doesn't look at me.

"I need some time" he said leaving. I sit on my porch crying, as he leaves.

I go to the lab several hours later, everyone in the lab was in the break room happy than ever. Nick was in the center of the mix, with the widest smile. They must have gotten a conviction on the robbery Nick and Sara had been working on. Nick pulled Sara into friendly hug; everyone is just very happy and relieved. I sent Nick a text.

'Meet me on the roof' I look at him, he's talking to Greg when he gets the message. He looks out the window and sees me I point to the roof and he nods. I run up to the roof, it's a few minutes before he meets me he puts a cinderblock in the door so way are not locked out.

We just look at each other; it's an awkward gaze he looks down at the ground scratching his head.

"So... Um Cath... Sorry about last night"

"That's not why I'm here..."

"Oh then why are you?" he asks relieved and confused.

"I'm pregnant..."

"Oh shit! Are you serious?" he asks so surprised his eyes grew big and he places his hand gently on my belly. It wasn't noticeable but Nick's gesture was kind and very not expected. "I mean... Did you tell Vartann?" Nick asks pushing his hands in his pockets, giving me a strange look like he was trying to hide his excitement.

"Yea... I told him everything?"

"Everything? About us, too"

"Kind of, I told him there was someone else just not who"

"Oh… how'd that go?"

"Awful... But I'm really sorry Nick I don't know of you are the father or if Lou is?"

"I'm not mad at you..." he said very calmly "it takes two to tango... Or three" he chuckled, I giggle but it wasn't a happy fun giggle it was a stress relieving giggle. "So what is up between you and Lou? You're not wearing a ring"

"I hope he gives me another chance but for right now it's up in the air"

"Well we are about to head off to celebrate, you should come don't drink of course but definitely join us"

"I guess..." oh bad idea.

We arrive at our usual celebratory bar place of choice, Greg, Ray, Sara, Nick and myself were all enjoying ourselves. Greg was dancing and Sara was texting Grissom... EW. Nick seemed alright with me telling him about me being... Well expecting, but I could tell it stressed him right, he didn't waste any time getting drunk. How he was still standing surprised us all, let alone dancing.

That is how you knew Nick was drunk he would dance, and he couldn't dance at all it didn't stop him though. He flew back into the booth with Sara who was across from Ray and me.

"Howdy y'all. How y'all doing?" Nick said he drank his beer and rested his head Sara's shoulder. She stopped texting she looks at Nick with such a hostile look but he flutters his eyelashes.

"Oh Nick... Are you drunk?"

"Maybe but this will definitely seal the deal" he slurred finishing her beer before falling out of the booth.

"Nick..." I say he climbs to his feet.

"Holy shit did you see that? Oh I'll be back" Nick stumbles to the bathroom, Ray and Sara both look at me wide eyed. I held up Nick's keys.

"Don't worry he's not driving" I say jingling the keys. Ray's phone rings and he leaves to answer it.

I can't stop thinking about Lou and me and Nick and me. I hope Lou is the father so I can put this mess with Nick behind me. Nick is a great guy but it wouldn't be healthy for us to be together we should stay just friends with no bedroom interactions of any kinds. I really love Lou too... But I feel like he doesn't want this baby he seemed more surprised than me. Then I think how healthy a baby would be for Nick's psyche and helping his recovery. I shouldn't have to sacrifice my happiness for someone else but that's not fair for me to say because I am happy with Nick sometimes. I'm just happy with Lou more I have more in common with Lou but Nick knows everything about me even the stuff I wish I didn't.

"Cath? Are you alright?" Sara asks

"Sorry I'm just tired"

"That was Brass, he and Vartann are going to meet us here"


	7. Alcohol a Poor Man's Truth Serum

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_Alcohol a Poor Man's Truth Serum_

* * *

Lou sits next to me in the booth Brass heads to the bar and Sara left as well as Greg. Ray was in the bathroom and Nick was dancing.

"How are you doing?" I ask almost afraid of his answer.

"I'm getting better..." he lies

"Well that's good" I said lightly embracing his arm. He gives me a fake smile which I guess is better than no smile. "I'll be right back I'm going get some soda" I climb over him leaving for the bar. "One Ginger ale please"

"One minute..." I nod waiting, I look back over and Nick stumbles back in the booth.

Drunken Nick was also known as instigator Nick so this wasn't going to go or end well.

I see him smile it was an awful very mistrusting smile that showed he was up to no good. I see Nick say words to Lou, Lou tries to ignore him but then he snaps and says something back. Nick nonchalantly talks back to Lou, over all the music I can't hear what Nick said. But I saw the way Lou's face lit up, he asked what? Or that's just what I'm guessing. Nick repeats himself this is bad.

"Brass..." I say just ask Lou reaches across the table lifting Nick out of the seat and slamming him on the table. The whole bar erupts in a circle around our booth with the other bar goers watching. Nick is way too drunk to fight or even to defend himself in one; Tony punches him twice in the face before Brass is able to pull him off. Nick's lip is split open and he spits up blood. Nick coughs then laughs as he rolls off the table he feels his bloody lip and smiles. He falls to the floor and crawls away from the table.

"It's him!" Lou yells he kicks Nick flipping him to his back.

"Stop it! Relax!" Brass yells shaking Lou a little, pulling him away. Lou shoves Brass away a looks at me.

"It's him!" he said on the verge of tears his anger piercing through his skin

"Is it him? Answer me" I look away and he grabs my arm pulling me towards him, Nick jumps to his feet and tries to push Lou away almost falling on him. Lou steps back and sucker punches Nick in the face. Nick thuds on the ground in front of me. "Have him" Tony storms off and Brass follows, the bar is at a standstill for another couple minutes.

"Alright nothing to see here" Sara yells and the bar chatter fills again, she kneels next to Nick "Nick get up" she says pulling him to his feet.

"What's going on?" he slurred as Sara was holding him up the blood was smeared on his face.

"I'll bring you home Nick" Sara says practically dragging him to the curb. I hastily follow.

"I'll watch him" I whisper taking his arm she leaves. "Nicky... What did you do?" I say he's humming a song and starts playing with my hair.

"Are you mad me?" he slurs

"A little I wish you wouldn't drink like this... What did you say to Lou?"

"Who's Lou?"

"The man who punched you? My fiancée... You better not get blood on my shirt. What did you say to him?"

"I did get blood on your shirt" this conversation was useless, I can assume that Nick told Lou about our affair. "I don't need this!" Nick walks away or more stumbles away nearly hitting a meter.

"Nick stop!" I say as he falls hitting the bar but he still walks.

"I'll taxi drive" he slurs which was funny. He falls into a pile of trash and trash cans.

"Nick!" I yell I run next to him he's asleep, or he passed out. Sara pulls up next to us; she stands next to me as we watch Nick sleep in a pile of trash. I hear Sara muffle a chuckle and I can't help but join.

"Alright Nicky wake up" Sara said shaking his foot he moaned.

"I'll get his shoulders you get his feet"

"Deal" we carry Nick and shove him in the backseat of Sara's Denali were he starts to wake up. "Nick you better not get blood on my backseat"

"Too late" he says rolling off the seat falling between front seat and back seat.

"Nick you're going hurt yourself" I say he sits up trying to sit back on the seat.

"I didn't realize I was fucking my mom sorry... Do you want me to buckle up too? Or do you want to tie me up?"

* * *

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It has hit the fan...


	8. Through the Murky Water We See

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Ch8: Through the Murky Water We See

* * *

I can feel Sara's gaze on my skin, Nick leans back the seat laughing. His alcohol breath fills the large vehicle; the scent burns my brain cells. I can feel the knot in my stomach growing tremendously. I shake off both of their gazes and saw blankly out the window; Nick opens and closes his window like a child humming the same song as earlier.

"Vartann came to the lab earlier today..." Sara said

"What did he say?"

"Nick didn't tell you, I thought he did" Sara said confused "I saw you walk with him to the roof... But I'm starting to think you talked about something else"

"We did talk about something else... What did Vartann want?"

"I was in Nick's office with Nick and Greg we were discussing a case and Vartann kicked Nick's door in..."

"Why?"

"Vartann asked us who you were sleeping with. He said he knew that we knew who it was and we were all just doing this on purpose. Then Nick told him just to ask his PI... And for a moment I saw the Old Nick the one that was wanted to protect the team at all costs. Nick stood in front of Greg and me in a way that the Old Nick did... But it makes sense and I don't judge you"

"What makes sense?"

"You and Nick... You're his only friend the only one he talks to; the only he doesn't pick a fight with... You are the only one he respects anymore... And it makes sense if you guys have a 'relationship'? Plus everyone at the lab knew something was up with you and Nick"

"Oh my god" I say bury my face in my hands.

What do I say? Yes, Sara I am sleeping with the drunken mess in your backseat. You know the one I left my wonderful fiancée for.

No! I'm not going to do this there is a reason I keep going back to Nick. Even from the beginning it was still about Nick. After Lou and I went on our first date I went over to Nick's and the day after Lou proposed to me I went over to his house. I was scared to tell Nick about Lou and me because I cared way more about what Nick thought then what made sense. Tony is a nice guy but he's not my nice guy, he's too nice for me. Nick is not a drunken mess he's my drunken mess, my little freak in the sheets. First our relationship was solely about just sex but now it's not it can't be. I could be pregnant with his baby!

"I'm pregnant Sara... That's why he came in"

"Oh..." Sara said wide eye at me "congratulations"

"This is awful because I don't know who the father is! It is either my ex-fiancée or the drunk in your backseat… I can't do this"

"The strong have to be tested constantly it is not the strong who pass the test it is the strong who can cope with the aftermath"

"Grissom say that?"

"Yeah, well think about it. if Nick is the father he will get his act together and be the best father the worlds ever seen or Vartann is the dad and you could try to salvage a relationship with him"

"But I don't know if that's what I want"

"Yo! Sara pull over I gotta puke!" Nick yelled from the backseat he reached for the door trying to open it but I lock it until she pulls off the road. He jumps out of the Denali and throws up for a good 2 or 3 minutes easy. I take a napkin and wet it with my water bottle and walk over of Nick who is sitting.

"Nicky let me clean you up" I said gently touching his face and wiping the dry blood off his cheek. Nick was a little more sober now I can try having a conversation. "How do you feel, Nicky?"

"Crap... I hate it that every time I try to better myself, no one cares they still sees what I just use to be. That's not me anymore, I'm trying to get back to something close to that but it won't be the same but I'm trying! But shit like this makes me feel like why bother?" he said turning away, I gave him a small kiss on the cheek.

"I see the change Nick, it's going to be a work in progress it will happen just not overnight" I threw the bloody napkin in the brush. "I think people will see a change if you give up alcohol... Nick that is one of the biggest problems for you right now"

"I know but what can I do? I already talk to a shrink"

"What about AA?" I said Nick buried his face in his hands; I rested my head on his shoulder lightly embracing his arm.

"Oh damn..."

"I'll go with you Nick... I need you to be strong for me and this baby" I was debating whether or not if I should have added that last part. But Nick knows that there is a 50% chance he is the father.

Nick lifted up his head and looked at me smiling at me he kisses my forehead.

"I take it Sara knows" he said looking in the Denali I look Sara turned quickly.

"Yea, I don't care about who knows anymore" I said standing up.

"What about Lou?" he says as I pull him to his feet, he almost fell back on top of me.

"Were done Nicky... C'mon let's get you home and cleaned up" he pulls me into a quick it was a very loving hug, his hand was gently on the back of my head as he gave me a gentle kiss on my forehead. Nick then pushed me away in a sense not violent at all; he looked at me before trying to get in the van. He stumbled hitting the car door and I held him up.

"Easy Nicky"

"Whoa! I'm still pretty drunk" I push him in the car and shut the door behind him. I sat back in the front Nick had passed out and was asleep. Sara drove us to Nick's we dropped Nick on the couch.

"Catherine I'm sorry if you thought I was judging you earlier... Who do you want to be the father? What do you want?"

That's a damn good question.

* * *

Please Review! A character will be dying in the next chapter... Who? That is a good question? Catherine? Nick? Lou? Please Review!


	9. Family

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Ch9: Family

* * *

I walk into my kitchen pour a cup of coffee. What am I doing? Vartann left me and Nick is willing to stay but if the baby turns out not to be Nick's I don't want to think what will happen to his mental status. I don't even want to know what Vartann's is.

"Mom..." Lindsay said I spun around and saw her, geez she just scared me.

"You scared me"

"Sorry..." she looks very worried I hope it's not from me. Lindsay is my safe

Zone the one person I know I can do anything and she will still love me and not judge me… I hope…

"What's wrong?"

"I'm worried about you..." she said turning sound sitting at the stool."You have been acting really strange these last couple days, what's going on?"

"Do you really want to know it's a lot?"

"You're my ma, nothing will scare me away"

"Ok" she joined me on the couch; she stares at me as I try to choose my words carefully. "I'm pregnant Lindsay"

"With Lou's (Vartann) baby?" she asked shocked, Lindsay said she liked Lou but I don't think she was honest with me about that.

"I don't know who the father is... It might not be Lou's" her face was a mix between relief and pure confusion.

"Who else?"

"Nick... We've been sleeping together for a few years now"

"Does Lou know?" tons of questions, she herself could be a little CSI. Oh how that thought scares me and makes me smile at the same time.

"Yea"

"How'd that go?"

"Awful... Then later on we all had drinks together I wasn't drinking of course but then Nick and Lou saw each other"

"Did he know it was with Nick?"

"No but Nick was drunk and told him, and Lou beat the shit out of him"

"Oh... Wow that is a lot"

"Told you..."

"Wow... I can't believe you slept with Nick... The other day you told me what a nut job he is"

"He's working on that"

"Ok"

"You probably think I'm awful"

"Just a little because you won't let me date one and you have two let alone one is really cute, just kidding mom as long as you're happy... I don't care who you're sleeping with, just no details please"

* * *

Work flew by giving me a break which desperately needed, thank god for Lindsay. She's truly my best friend I can talk to her about almost everything except for work of course.

It was hitting the end of shift; Nick worked silently in his office for the most of the shift. Brass had sent me info for a case; I walked over to Nick's office and lightly knocked on his door. His head looks up and his face lightened up, he smiles at me. Nobody can work a shiner and split lip like Nick, he even smiles with them.

"What's up?" He said smiling.

"We have a case, c'mon" Nick grabbed his kit and followed me.

* * *

We walked in a home fairly nice, the husband was a banker of some sorts the wife was a gym teacher, two children an older boy he looks around 13 maybe 15 and a younger girl maybe 7.

Brass doesn't even acknowledge our presence whatever with him.

The call was for a simple break-in they thought until they saw the body lying on their kitchen floor. Nick and I look around; we always are on the same wave length. We secretly watch the anxious family; the mother calmed the upset children. The daughter clung on her dolly tight as the boy tried to seem not bothered by the situation. The father was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

That means he either knows who robbed his home or there is something inside he doesn't want us to find.

"Nicky go talk to them" as I photograph the wound there was a letter opener sticking out of the victim's neck. I notice a blood trail, rigger wasn't fixed and levity wasn't right either. I wave Nick to come back over, even after all this we were still able to keep it professional. "What do you see?"

"The body has been moved, look at the carpet"

"It looks like it has been pushed"

"Yea but not under the body is that a blood trail?" he said I look and it was a photograph it. "The house has been cleared?" Nick asks to the uniform, who gave him an uncomfortable glare.

"We know procedure, Stokes" officer Klein shouted back. Nick followed me looking over my shoulder, the trail separates one continues to the office and another leads to this door.

"Mr. Daniels what is this room?" before the man could answer the closet door opened in a hurry striking me in the face. I fall back hitting Nick he catches me almost falling on me, someone runs out of the closet. The family screams as the man runs up stairs. "Are you alright?" he asks his voice filled with concern.

"Go get him!" I yell Nick took off upstairs following the officers. The wife ran to me.

"Are you alright, Miss Willows?" she asks helping me sit up.

"I'm fine..." a window smashed scaring the wife, I pull out my weapon." Stay with your family don't move" I cautiously walk up stairs, I hear officer Stevens cursing. "Situation?" I yell.

"The bastard cut me... He jumped out the window Stokes and Klein are in pursuit" he says squeezing his arm hissing in pain. I could feel the blood on my own face trickle down my face and drip on to my neck. I look out the window and Nick and Officer Klein are wrestling with the man. I hear back up finally arrive, they either arrive right when you need them or way after never when you want them. I walk out as Brass and Klein bring out the suspect, Nick follows and he came up to me.

"Cath, you're bleeding"

An hour later... The paramedic had put some butterfly stitches on my cut and now I was just waiting on paperwork to sign so I didn't have to go to the hospital. There was nothing average about this crime first a break-in then a body dump with the killer still there. Oh what a day, now I have to explain this to Lindsay. She has a soccer game today, which I completely forgot about till just now.

Nick is talking to Officer Klein this doesn't look good.

"We know procedure... You need to make sure a place is clear before telling us it is" Nick yells

"Don't turn this on me Stokes my partner got hurt too"

"If you had done your job in the first place it wouldn't have happened!" Nick argued, Brass came to Klein's defense not a surprise.

"Alright Stokes you made your point"

"No you get beyond pissed anytime one of your guys gets hurt, you're luckily it's just a cut" Nick said sternly to both.

"Get out of here with all that" Brass said to him.

"What is your problem? I know you and Catherine or I don't see eye to eye but we are a team! We need to be able to trust our teammates and we don't need them second guessing each other... We need to know they have our back"

"Officer Clark would have liked that too..." Klein said, I knew by Brass' reaction that he was thinking it too just didn't say it. I was shocked by Klein's remark.

"Fuck you... You don't know what happened that night!" Nick yells Brass tries to push Nick back away from Klein. Nick swats Brass' hands away, my eyes grew wide. "Don't put your hands on me... Both of you don't..."

"Nicky!" I yell trying to stop a fight from starting; Nick bit his lip and came back over to me. His face had anger and sadness written all over it. "What are you thinking?"

"How I can leave you to go get drunk, and forget all this happened, without you finding out"

"Nick..."

"I'm not going to drink but I really want to" Nick was in such a dark place, and every time he started to get back to normal something would happen and he didn't care about changing anymore. "But I want to, I need to do something crazy and my mind off of this" he said pushing his hat off I rub his shoulder in a soothing gesture "I want to get a tattoo"

"What?" I said

"I'm getting a tattoo... You can either come with me or not" Nick said as determined as ever. The paramedics brought me papers to sign. "What is that?"

"She's refusing medical care" the paramedic said to Nick, Nick looked at me.

"I'm not refusing it, I don't need it"

"What's wrong with her?"

"She may have a concussion"

"I feel fine, trust me Nicky" I said to him.

"Alright I trust you" the paramedic looked shocked and I signed the papers.

"Tattoo?"

"It's better than drinking which I do still want to do"


	10. When it Hits the Fan

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Ch10: When it Hits the Fan

* * *

I have never seen anyone with a mindset like Nick if he wants something done he does it. Unfortunately he doesn't use it the way I would like him to use it but he uses it in a way he wants.

Nick and the tattoo artist talked for a little while before coming back over to me.

"How do you feel?" he asks placing his hand on my shoulder. The truth is told I did have a headache and I was shaky.

"I'm fine Nicky... I bet we look like a pair"

"How you figure?"

"Your black eye, fat lip, and now I have a cut on my eyebrow..." he kisses the cut.

"Mr. Stokes I'm ready for you" the man said, he was covered in tattoos. Nick held my hand and brought me back with him. Nick took off his shirt and the tattoo artist placed a stencil on Nick's side.

It was a fairly large tattoo it was a cross with what looked to be smoke and stars behind it and had a words on it too. 'You know my name' on the top and towards the bottom it said 'not my story...' then I saw something else. I pull him close looking hard at the stencil. 'Clark 0453' was written smaller on the side of it.

"Is this what you want?" I ask he nods lying down on the bed.

The smell of flesh burning in the form of art is something I never understand, the faces that Nick are making are a little funny. He can see me trying to fight a smile and he smiles at me but the smile goes away and he grimaces in pain.

"So what do you guys do for a living? You are like Mr. and Mrs. Smith" the man laughs as did I.

"We work for the Crime Lab"

"Rough day at work?"

"It always is" I said.

"All finished" Nick sat up and went to the mirror. The tattoo came out way back then I had ever expected it. His skin was welted from the tattoo.

"Thank you so much" Nick said shaking his hand, I felt my phone vibrate.

"Hello Lindsay"

"Hey mom you're coming to my game tonight right?"

"Of course"

"It starts in like a few minutes so hurry... I got to go my coach is coming" she hung up before I could say anything.

"Nicky we got to go; I have to go to Lindsay's soccer game"

"You have a concussion you shouldn't drive... I'll take you"

"You'll have to stay then"

"Ok"

* * *

We arrive at the school just shy of the end of the first quarter. I look at myself in the mirror and touch my cut; it was just red and swollen. I look over to Nick he's taking his shirt off.

"What are you doing?" I ask him all cock eyed, but I will say Nick is a very very very attractive man.

"My undershirt is rubbing the tattoo ad it's making it itch" he threw his undershirt behind us "I'm better now you ready?"

"Yea..." we walked to the field; it was tied zero to zero. We watch the game I never understood soccer and Lindsay has been playing since she could walk and I still don't know any of the rules. Nicky though my little super athlete told me what was going on. "Did you play soccer?"

"No way that was during football" we had to stand on the sideline because all the seats on the bleachers were taking.

"Excuse me"

"Its fine, I played football, basketball and baseball"

"Aren't you just the super athlete?"

"Yuppers" he said shoving his hands in his pockets and hitting me with his waist. I gave him a love tap on the arm... More of a punch. He grabbed his arm and hissed in pain like a baby I laughed as did he. "I'm not standing by you anymore... Jerk"

"I'm a jerk? Where are you going stand?" he looks around there was nowhere else to stand.

"I guess I'll stand by you... You're just acting out because you have a concussion I understand"

We continue to watch the game, with some occasion flirting. Lindsay's team won the game which is totally awesome. And what I gathered from other parents is that this is there rival team. So this was great to be a part of, to watch my little girl but the hurting on their rival team.

We wait with the other parents on the field and cheer once the team comes out. Lindsay runs to me hugging me almost knocking me over.

"Mom what happened? What happened to both of you?" her voice was filled with concern.

"It was just a rough day at work that's all"

"I just wanted to make sure your ma made here alright. Your ma never told me you played soccer"

"Thanks for bringing my mom" Lindsay said smiling, Nick doesn't know that Lindsay knows about us.

"No problem, I just wanted to make sure she got home alright she took a good hit to the head"

"What happened?"

"A door hit her" Nick was always good at giving half the truth so he wasn't lying he just wasn't telling everything.

"And you?"

"Don't drink" he said taking her bag from and leaving back towards the car. I walk arm and arm with Lindsay following Nick.

"Why is your shirt back here?" Lindsay asks touching his shirt with her one finger as if not wanting to get cooties.

"I just got a tattoo it was bothering me"

* * *

Nick walked inside to my house dropping Lindsay's bag off at the door.

"Cath, you want me to call Sara to stay here with you?" Nick asked, I shot him a lustful look and he blushed. Lindsay looked at him, with the same questioning look that I give him all the time.

"Why?"

"What if your ma needs something in the night? I don't want you to be overwhelmed Lindsay, concussions can be tricky"

"I meant why don't you stay your already here?" she said she was trying to contain her laughter. Nick doesn't read people as well as others he's kind of oblivious to a lot of things especially the thinking process of women.

"I don't want... you guys to feel uncomfortable... with me here. I don't other people to..."

"She knows Nicky" I said, and Lindsay just burst out laughing as did I, Nick gave a fake nervous chuckle.

"Oh well that wasn't funny" he said

"Yes it was! You can sleep here but only on the couch, I want to get sleep tonight" Lindsay said levying the kitchen "I'm taking a shower, night"

"...night" Nick added as soon as she was gone Nick practically ran up to me, I could see the look of confusion on his face. I laugh playfully tapping his face "you told her"

"Yea you should have seen your face"

"That's not funny"

"You can say that but... It was" this is why I was able to stay friends with

Nick while others couldn't. I still saw the Old Nick he was just having more bad days that's all or at least that's what I told myself.

I sat on the couch with Nick and watched some TV.

* * *

I wake up as if someone is shaking me awake, I listen and I hear strange moaning and whimpering. I get out of my bed and holding the dresser, wow I'm dizzy. I must have fell asleep watching TV wow I already have pajamas on and I was tucked in. Once my room stops spinning I walk out to my living room and Nick is somewhat asleep. His eyes are squeezed shut and he's talking but not making sense the words are jumbled and mumbled. He starts breathing heavily and shallow meaning he's having a nightmare his neck vein is sticking out.

"Nicky..." I whisper sitting by his feet I gently shake his feet "Nicky..." he shoots up pulling a gun out of my seat cushions aiming it at nothing."Nicky...

Let me see the gun" I say softly his arm slightly bends and I place one of my hands on his arm relaxing him and the other on the weapon. "Nicky you are safe... Let me see the gun"

"You scared me... are you hurt?"

"No no Nicky I'm fine what about you?"

"I'm fine" he said I gave him a glare and brings his gun in my room. I could hear his foot steps behind me he stopped in my door way. I put his gun in my nightstand draw locking it in, I her Nick yawn his voice squeaks. I playfully scratch his stomach, he smiles.

"You want something to eat?"

"Sure" he follows me back to the living room; he pulls my tank top until I face him. He kisses me and we fall back on the couch he kisses my neck as I laugh trying to push him off.

"Nicky... Nicky stop I don't want Lindsay to wake up"

"If you're quiet she won't" he whispers in my ear, I bite his ear and flip over on to him. I scratch his chest.

"How can I?" I whisper in his ear I felt him buck against me.

We start getting very passionate but right before we could get to the good stuff. My door explodes, someone has kicked it in, and Nicky pulls me close. I can't see anyone but just the reflection of the moonlight off of the person's gun.

"Get off of her now" the person said coming into the somewhat light. It was LOU!

"Lou! What are you doing?"

"Something I should have done before" he said with such anger and hostility. I started to feel my body paralyze in fear. Lou pulls Nick out from under me slamming him into the wall; he slaps me across the face. I immediately feel the sting and all the blood rush to my face, Nick stands and Lou grabs him and kicks him between the legs. Nick falls and groans in pain, he aims the gun at Nick's head.

"Lou stop!" I grab his arm as he aims the gun at Nick's head. Lou aims the gun at my stomach, he stares at me with such hate in his eyes I regret touching his arm and quickly move away trying to cover my stomach.

"You're luckily I don't shoot you and your bastard child!"

"This could be your baby…" I said scared as he pushed me back on the couch, he hit Nick in the face with the gun.

"Its not! I had a vasectomy before we started dating! I didn't want any other children after all the trouble I had gone through trying to have my son I didn't want anymore"

"People can still have children with vasectomies"

"I can't! I don't need to prove anything to you! I'm not the father!"

* * *

Please Review! I need plenty feedback to continue because these next chapters will be crazy! Please Review!


	11. Love Hurts

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Sorry for the wait. Please Review and Enjoy!

Ch11: Love Hurts...

* * *

Nick jumped up and pushed Lou he hit the wall. Lou turned and aimed the gun at Nick pressing it against his chest.

"I should kill you!" Lou yells "the both of you" Nick walks forward having the gun push harder into his chest.

"You think I'm scared of you..." Nick said chuckling "you don't know me... I've been pushed out of a window buried alive shot and blown out... So what makes you think I'd be scared of you?" Nick said but Lou stood strong and pulled the hammer back on the gun. Nick smiled.

"Nick sit" I asked taking his hand, he raised his hands in a playful surrender and sat next to me, blocking me from Lou. I hear Lindsay door open then quickly shut. Lou sat across from both of us he buried his face in his hands he was distraught and not thinking.

Several minutes pass and Lou doesn't move. I see flashing lights and hear sirens Nick and I both sit up a little. Lou shuts what is left of my door and pushes a chair behind. Lou looks out the window watching who's there.

"What are you going to name it?" Nick whispers.

"What?" I reply in a harsh whisper.

"He's going to kill me tell me what you are going to name it?" Nick said pulling my ear to his mouth. I started to cry.

* * *

_Six years and 8 months ago..._

I unlace my bowling shoes and watch Nick as he untie his, it was in slow motion. He said a total of five words the entire evening 'I'm fine' which he replied to everyone the whole night and 'one beer please' when he was asked what he wanted to drink. I volunteered to drive him home; he had hints of PTSD which was expected because we unburied him two weeks ago. He had scabs on his arms from the ant bites; he would give them an occasional itch.

"You ready Nicky?"

"Yup" he said smiling, "can you bring these up for me I gotta go use the bathroom?"

"Sure, Nicky" I bring his shoes up. I will admit that the thought of Nick and I together did run in my head. Besides I'm single and Nick is attractive, he just got a haircut and was wearing a dark blue collared shirt with faded jeans. I just realized that Nick went to the bathroom without shoes. We have to give the bowling alley our shoes as security that we would return theirs.

I hand the man the stub and he just looks me obviously checking me out.

"Can I have my shoes?" I asked waving my hand in his face.

"Sorry... What's a beautiful woman like yourself doing here alone at lovers' lane?"

"My shoes?"

"All business I respect that" he said typing something into a computer, then he gently touched my hand "you married?"

Nick picks the man up and pulls him almost over the counter. He slams him on the counter.

"Get her fucking shoes now!" He said in the man's ear, I immediately touched

Nick's shoulders trying to pull him away.

"Nicky! Nicky let go of him!" I pull him off of the man. The man stands his face is beat red he holds his neck.

"I'm getting the manager!" the man said as I held Nick back. The manager will probably call the police and Nick's career will be over.

Once the man left Nick pushed passed me and jumped off the counter.

"Nicky! What are you doing?"

"What is the stud number?"

"Nick!"

"What is the number?"

"17..."

"Got it" he came back and handed me my clogs. "Come on" he said grabbing my hand; I shook him off as we got outside.

"Let me go" he did and just looked at me. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm trying to get us the fuck out of here before the police get here"

"You don't say anything the whole evening and you just..." he walked over and picked me up and I started hitting his back."Put me down"

"You can hate me later" he put me in the truck and we took off. I won't lie this side of Nick was bad and the boss in me wanted to just scream at him but the woman in me was very turned on.

"Nick you just assaulted a man"

"He wouldn't give you our shoes" Nick said he looked at me still obviously mad.

We hadn't spoken the rest of the car ride to Nick's house. He tossed the keys to my lap and left the truck still mad. I follow him; I grab him right as he gets to the door.

Grissom wanted us to show Nick a support system and be very compassionate and sensitive to Nick. Nick hadn't shown any emotion since we unburied him.

Something was definitely different with Nick but he wouldn't tell us. The most words he said were today and now he hates me.

"Nicky..."

"Don't Nicky me!" he turned and yelled. He was so close I could feel his own body heat on me.

"I'm sorry"

"No you guys are all so different around me... You treat me different but depend on me the same way... No one has talked me, what the fuck is going on?" Nick just swore in front of me. Nick would curse but never in front of a woman he called it ugly man talk, it was the gentleman in Nick never cursing in front of a woman.

"We are worried about you Nicky..."

"Don't lie to me"

"Why would you say that?" the neighbors' light turns on and Nick grabbed my hand and brought me inside. He immediately went to the fridge and picked a beer.

I walked up to his wall there was a hole there was some blood on the drywall. I feel his presence behind me; it made me feel uneasy and nervous. He places his fingers in the hole.

"I thought I saw a bug..." he said softly I could still see the cuts on his hands. I turn as he sips his beer as I take it right from his mouth and sit on his sofa.

"So how do you want us to treat you?" he sat next to me.

"I'm not sure" he sat next to me and took the bottle of beer from my hand I playfully pulled it back.

"Grissom wanted us to be..."

"I knew it was him! I know stuff is different but I'm still the same" he said his voice suggested he was second guessing his own words.

"Nicky my boy, do I need to remind you that you assaulted a man earlier?"

"Ok some stuff has changed but he was being a jerk I had to... Sorry, it was inappropriate"

"Well I won't write you up so relax, cowboy" I said he smiled, and reached for my beer again. I pulled it farther away "Nicky!" I laughed trying to keep the bottle away from Nick; I realize that Nick's waist was only inches away from mine. His thighs pressed against mine I used my foot to push against his chest.

"Give it to me" he reached as I tried to move farther away. He slipped off the cushion as he reached his waist crashed into mine. I dropped the beer the alcohol flowed onto the cushions and neither of is seemed to mine. His face was only inches away from mine his hand gripped the arm rest. He turned and looked at me I could feel his energy. His breathing increased to shallow breathes similar to panting; I bit my lip he smiled sheepishly.

I could feel his one hand brush against my side all the way up to my face, his thumb gently brushed against my cheek. I grabbed his neck and we kissed. We continue to kiss for a few more seconds, his hand at my waist bringing me closer. My hands traveling his body, then something in my head told me what was happening. I was taking advantage of a vulnerable man; he's a friend a coworker never the less. I pull away he looks at me confuse; his thumb lightly drew circles on my midriff.

"Nicky... Stop we can't do this"

"Why?" he asked.

"Our jobs it's against the rules"

"Fuck the rules"

"I don't want to take advantage of you"

"You're not..." he whispered in my ear and lightly kissed it.

"Nicky..." I moaned, he kissed my neck. We can't do this is all I can think to myself. "We shouldn't do this" I whisper but yet I pulled him close, he slid his hand down my side into my pants. I hear him chuckle in my ear, which made me forget everything I was thinking.

_A few hours later_... I awoke I was tightly tucked into Nick's bed I look around and smile to myself. It has been awhile since I have fallen asleep right after sex. I look around and I'm in the bed alone I hear the living room TV on, they say how a person can realize if a one night stand is just that or something more is by the morning after.

I look around for my clothes, I can't find my shirt so I grab his LVPD hooded sweater. I see he asleep on the couch his one arm is tucked behind his head and he had a blanket barely on him. He was just wearing his boxers, his eyes flicker open and he smiles slightly still tired. I sit next to him.

"Are you leaving?" he asked kissing my forehead, I reminisce about the night before. Nick was a great lover.

"I am in a few... where did you go?"

"I didn't want to wake you... Sometimes I get nightmares I didn't want to wake you" he wrapped his arms around me.

They say that if you awake and your partner is gone they are too scared to face you either because all they wanted was sex or that person isn't interested in having a relationship. If they leave right after you finished all they want is sex. If they invite to go to breakfast they're surprised at what happened and are not sure how to handle the situation.

However what would you call morning after sex then hanging out until the start of shift? That is Nick and I.

* * *

My home phone rings I'm assuming it's a hostage negotiator; Lou aims the weapon at us then shoots the phone. Nick doesn't flinch or even blink. Nick is very damaged whether he ever admits or from the moment we unburied him to the moment Lou busted my door down Nick hasn't been himself and I'm finally realizing this.

"And you called me a nut job?" Nick chuckled to himself he moves away from me.

"Shut up Stokes!" Lou said angered

"Why the worst thing you could do is only kill me and as soon as you do that the police and SWAT will rush in and maybe kill you. Your career is over! If this is some last attempt to win Cath over you never had her. Your first date she came back to my place, the day you asked her to move in with you we fucked in the parking garage. You don't even want me to tell you what we did the day you asked her to marry you..." Lou struck Nick in the face with the gun, his hands shook with rage. Nick slowly returned to a sitting position.

"I beat you up before I'll do it again"

"I was drunk before!" Nick said pushing Lou against the wall hard he grabbed me and pushed me towards the kitchen I slip and Nick almost trips over me. I look behind us and Nick is facing Lou the gun was against his chest.

"You said the worst thing I could do is kill... You" he said changing the aim to me. I started to crawl away as he fired hitting the ground next to me. Nick and Lou struggled with the gun.

As soon as I got to my feet I heard another shot I turned and saw Nick lying on the floor blood pouring out of his chest.

"Nick!" I scream as Lou shoots at me hitting me in the shoulder, the force of the shot slams me against the wall. I put pressure on it as Lou stands over. The room starts to spin as I start to feel sleepy; I fight to keep my eyes open. Everything goes black and I hear one last gunshot.

* * *

Please Review! Who died?


	12. Dreams to Nightmares

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Please Review! I don't own them!

Ch12: Dreams to Nightmares

* * *

I feel myself stuck in a sleep.

"Nicky... Nicky stop" I laughed as he kisses my neck tickling me as he kissed me. I hug him as we fool around on my couch, I hear him laugh and flip him on his back. His eyes widened as he hugs and kisses me. "Oh Nicky!"

A car pulls in my driveway; we freeze and wait to see who it is.

"Oh shit its Chris" I yelp, I hop off of Nick, he kisses me.

"I dropped you off from work I have to use the bathroom" Nick said leaving to the bathroom, Nick was quick thinking always. I was dated Chris when Nick and I first slept together, I told Nick about Chris and I. The first thing he asked if that meant we still could see each other, he told me he didn't care about Chris or the lab as long as he had me. Chris and I had been dating for three months when Nick and I slept together which was three weeks ago.

Chris knocks and I graciously let him in, as Nick shuts the bathroom door.

"Hey"

"Hey... What are you doing here?" I ask hiding my nervousness.

"I wanted to take you out..." he says to me as Nick flushes the toilet "who's here?"

"Nick, he dropped me off from work he needed to go to the bathroom"

"Thanks Cath" Nick said coming out just in time.

"Nicky you have met Chris?" I say introducing them.

"Nice to meet you Chris" Nick said shaking Chris' hand. "I'll see you tomorrow Cath" he said smiling, he left.

"He's the one who's was buried alive?" Chris asked.

"Yes" Chris didn't move he was frozen still, "Chris?" I wave my hand in his face and still nothing I looked out the window birds were frozen in air Nick was standing in front if his Tahoe frozen.

I turn around and my house is dark its night time I'm wearing the pajamas I wore when Lou came to my house. Nick sound asleep on my couch I walk over to him and shake him he doesn't wake so I shake him again and again nothing.

"Nicky!" I shout this is so weird but it feels like it is normal but I know something is up. I shake him again; I pull the blankets off of him. His chest is pouring out blood I try to apply pressure but then leave to get my phone.

When I look up the walls are replaced with a shadow and I am no longer in my house. I'm in a room well there's no walls just a dark grey floor that is cold to the touch. I look around and it's empty except for someone. Nick. I see the blood that has stained his shirt and I look at my shirt seeing the blood.

"Nicky..." I ask to scare to want to hear his answer but I needed to hear him speak.

"Yes Catherine" he asked

"What's going on?"

"I'm not sure..."

"Am I dead?"

"No"

"Are you?"

"I don't think so..."

"Is Lou?"

"I don't know"

"Where am I?"

"In the hospital"

"How come... Why don't I know? How do you know? Is this a dream?"

"Not really but in a way... I only know because you do you just don't realize it"

"What is going on?"

"I told you I'm not sure"

"What do you know?"

"I don't know... You are going be fine, you have to be you are carrying my child" he places his hand on my chest and my shoulder wound disappears. His pours more blood, he gently places his hand on my stomach, and I feel an awful pain. I screech in agony, I start to collapse but he catches me.

"Stop! Please stop!" I cry until my voice is too weak to be heard. He tries to hold me up but my legs won't stand.

"I'm sorry"

"don't... hurt... my baby"

"I wouldn't... I never would, remember that... I love you Catherine" he kisses me and I feel my strength restore. He lays me on the cold floor. "I need you to wake up for me"

"Nicky..."

"Wake up" he said sternly.

I felt the breath get sucked out off my chest and I fell asleep again.

I flutter my eyes open; I look around the room I'm in the hospital. I hear beeping and chitter chatters of hospital staff. I feel the pain in my shoulder radiate throughout my whole body. I look over and see Lindsay asleep in the hospital chair. I try to sit up and I'm able to sit up some, I reach for a cup of water. That's when I notice the breathing tube, the nurse comes in and her eyes are wide and shocked and surprised. I try to speak but can't, the nurse takes my hand her hand is warm as I feel my ice cube fingers.

"How do you feel?" the nurse asks, I saw Greg, Brass, Sara, Ecklie and someone is behind him... Grissom.

"How is my baby?" I ask she moves to look at the monitor.

"Fine..." she said,

"How long have I've been asleep?"

"3 days"

"How are my friends?"

"That would be better left to them" she said leaving. Greg and Sara walked in as Brass stormed off and Grissom followed.

"How are you?" Greg asked the worry and sadness was all over their faces.

"I'm alright..."

"Mom!" Lindsay said hugging me and crying. She held my hand tight "thank god you're alright"

"How's Nick?" I asked and they looked at each other then at the ground, I felt my eyes well up with tears.

"He's critical right now... The doctors ha to remove a good majority of his lung that the bullet destroyed"

"Will he be alright?"

"They don't think so" Sara said quietly, I can see her eyes swell with tears but her eyes had none left to give. I squeeze my eyes shut praying that this to was a dream.

"How's Lou?" again they looked at each other then the floor but neither wanted to answer my question.

"He... He turned the gun on to himself" Greg shyly said, I was beyond speechless. I felt my tears release from eyes, as I sobbed uncontrollability. Lou is dead and Nick may die because of me, if I had just stuck with one man and not playing head games with two great men.

* * *

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	13. Life

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Ch13: Life

* * *

I must have fallen asleep again, I open my eyes and I'm in the room again I look around and I am all alone. I close my eyes trying to think, what the hell has happened to this disaster of a life that I have. I sigh and look up but I see Lou.

"Why?" he whispered

"I don't know"

"You don't know?"

"Nick and I have been together for a few years... I'm sorry I never meant for any of this to happen" I said.

After Nick and I stopped our relationship we were still friends, until Warrick died. Warrick kept Nick from going off the deep end several times, Warrick always felt guilty that Nick was buried alive because of a flip of a coin.

We were at McKeen's trial when the jury came back as guilty. The rest of team and me were happy that justice was done for Warrick. However Nick stormed out of the court room in tears, I chased after him. Nick was there when Warrick was shot and there throughout the whole and didn't cry once.

I remember that day as if it was yesterday... I remember hugging Grissom with tears of joy, Nick pushes past us leaving. I follow him outside as he walks behind the courthouse I hear him sobbing.

"Nicky..." I whisper to him he just falls against the brick building in sobs. I sit across from him after a minute. After he regained his composure we reinstated our special relationship but it wasn't like before. Nick didn't see me the way he saw me before, it's almost like we switched personalities.

Before he would compliment me and I would tell him to stop that we weren't about that. And after the courthouse I wanted us to be like that he didn't though it was like someone had changed Nick. And it was me...

I open my eyes thankfully I'm at the hospital and not in the midst of some twisted nightmare. I sit up and I see Rebecca Stokes, Nick's oldest sister she looks just like him.

"You're Catherine?"

"Yes..."

"You're the reason my baby brother is in this hospital? You're the reason he..." please don't say died please don't say died "you're the reason he lost his lung?

He will never have a normal life now! You destroyed him..." Grissom comes in and pulls the woman out.

I cry she's right this is all my fault.

"She's right... You should have just let me die on the floor"

"Cath..."

"This is all my fault" I cry I reach for the needles in my arm and Grissom grabs my hands.

"You can't make this about yourself! You need to be strong! Not only for yourself but for Lindsay and Nick"

"Nick..."

"An infection spread in his chest the doctors had to remove the last part of his lung. The doctor says his chance for survival went up"

"Thank god"

I drift off to sleep. I feel something hit my face I swat it away it was Nick throwing something at me.

"Stop it" I giggle I throw something back at him we wrestle. He starts to kiss and slightly suck on my face. "What are you doing?"

"I'm trying... to give you a hickey... on your face" he says between kisses.

"Stop it" I say I flip him over and give him a big one on his jaw. "Gotcha!" I say laughing.

"Yes you did" he says kissing me, we relax on the cold concrete floor which feels surprisingly warmer.

"What is this place?" I say, we stop and just rest in each other's arms.

"You tell me it's your dream" he says I feel his hand rubbing my forearm. It's not a dream but it has to be.

"The doctor says you're coming to be alright"

"That's good" he says "what are we going to do now?" he says quietly but before I could answer I wake up.

It was late, I sent Lindsay home with my mom. It was surprisingly quiet; I sit up and slide on a pair of slippers I start to walk to Nick's room.

His skin was pale his eyes sunken in it looked like two black eyes. His chest rises as the respirator pumps oxygen in and out of his lungs... Lung. He has a tube in his mouth giving him oxygen.

"Oh Nicky..." I cry tears just flow I hold his hand his hand was cold. I let go and hold my head on the edge on his bed and just sob. I feel a slight tug on my hair I look up and Nick is looking at me his eyes were lazily open. "Nicky..." I say trying to hide my tears. He wipes my face.

* * *

Please Review! Next chapter will take place in a few months to see how the lab reacts! Tell me what you think?


	14. Twisted Love

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Please Review!

Ch14: Twisted Love

* * *

Two weeks later... This is my sixth day back to work however I have been office bound and I will be pending an investigation. I have been able to catch up on much needed paperwork but I'm caught up now and I can't be assigned to any case because of this investigation. Rumors have also started about Nick. Rumors that he has put in his papers to retire, when I heard this I felt I had to talk to Nick. I went to his house and his sister wouldn't let me in, I tried to call she hung up on me, however I sent him a text last night. Now I wait...

I walk to the break room, I see the stares that each uniform officer and detective that they give me. I try to stand tall but my arm is still in a sling and the wear and tear of everything is still written on my face.

"Greg homicide in the Palms..." I hand him the slip which carries the basic info "Sara robbery and assault in Henderson" I hand her slip I feel the anger and sadness and other mixed feelings that my team tries to hide. Our happy go lucky team is now hanging on by just threads. "Ray... Ray suspected... Ooh, sorry Ray there is a suspected suicide" I hand him his slip an I feel goose bumps on skin and the breath almost sucked out of me. I walk very fast back to my office to try to prevent a meltdown. My phone buzzes across the table I grab it and shake my head. 'Nicky'.

Should I answer it? Should I just let it go to voicemail? What if it's his sister she will just yell at me? Wait! It's not about me anymore.

"Hello" I say scare.

"Catherine..." I hear him say he sounds relieved and a little groggy.

"Hey Nicky" I say trying not to cry "how are you feeling?"

"I'm alright" I knew he would say that regardless of how he felt. "I want to see you"

"I would like that"

"Come to my house around 9" he says he sounds tired.

"I will, rest Nicky"

"I will see you later" he hangs up. I smile ear to ear.

He doesn't hate me and wants to see me I think like a school girl. The last time I saw him a tube was breathing for him and his sister was threatening to run me over.

9:46pm... I sit in the driveway across his sister left about twenty minutes ago to visit some old friends Nick said. For some reason though I can't bring myself to go inside, I have too.

I walk to his door I reach to knock on the door and it opens. I smile and feel a tear drop down to my cheek I quickly wipe it away.

"Hey Nicky" I whisper he smiles.

"You wanna come in?" he asks I smile and he takes my hand and brings me inside to the couch.

We sit in silence mainly enjoying one another's company. He is wearing a tank top. I can see the scab and stitches of the long incision the doctors' made. His chest was now a display for scar tissue between the ant bites, the shotgun wound, the other gunshot wound from Lou with the surgical scar that claimed his lung. The scar was just below his collarbone and traveled through the middle of his chest and curved under the rib cage. Luckily his tattoo was on the opposite side... If you could find any luck in any of this.

We walk into his bedroom we cuddle on his bed. He rubs slow circles on my lower back I look up at him propping myself up on one elbow. He brushes hair out of my face and smiles at me.

"Nick..." I whisper he looks at me. "I'm sorry"

"For what?"

"Nick you have one lung! That is my fault!"

"Did you shoot me?" Nick asks "we can't control anybody else. Especially when it comes to their actions. Catherine I love you"

"You love me? After everything I put you though"

"If anything I love you more. Sometimes you gotta be put through some shit and test yourself" he kisses me. I pull away and run my fingers through his hair.

"I love you too" we cuddle and drift off to sleep. I wake up an hour maybe an hour and a half later. I slide out of the bed and look at Nick. His lips dry so I thought I would get a bottle of water for him.

In the kitchen I found his laptop on the counter, I move the mouse it loads on a job application to be a criminal justice teacher. I smile to myself. Nick always said the power of knowledge isn't the person who studies like crazy in the library but the person who spreads what they know. Nick by no means was the smartest person I met but he was the best at explaining something and listening. He would make a great teacher.

I walk back to his room as he wakes up, I sit next to him and smile at him. He reaches and holds my hand.

"How does your chest feel?"

"It's alright. It's actually not that different except I get the hiccups a lot more and it take me awhile to get in shape again."

"That's great"

"I'm not going anywhere anytime soon"

"How did..."

"I know you" he kisses me, neither of us push to have sex knowing full well that is what got us in this mess in the first place. He reaches across the bed pulling something out of his end table. Who knows maybe we will? He sits up so we are facing each other "I know this isn't the romantic way but..."

"Romantic what?" I ask he places a jewelry box in my hand, I open it to see a jaw dropping beautiful... Engagement ring. "Nicky..." I say feeling tears well my eyes.

"I love you Cath, will you marry me?"

* * *

Marriage?


	15. A New Step

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Please Review! Sorry for the wait but this is the final chapter please tell me what you think? Review and Enjoy!

Ch15: A New Step

* * *

"I love you Cath, will you marry me?" he says again I jump off of Nick's bed and head for the door. "Cath!" I hear Nick yell from behind me.

"I'm sorry Nick... I can't... Do this" I cry Nick caught me as I got to the living room.

"Why?"

"I just can't!"

"Cath I want to spend the rest of my life with and if you don't want to marry me that is fine but please don't leave"

"You really want marry me?" I say like a child.

"More than anything in the world. I love you"

"After everything I did to you"

"Listen I was an ass too and I apologize to you... They say apologizing is the first step"

"First step?"

"In my 12 steps to recovery. I have changed but this time for better" he said looking somewhat embarrassed but I smile at him. He drops to his knee as he hiccups. "Catherine Willows will you make me... the luckiest man... in the world and marry me?" he says between hiccups.

"Yes" I say Nick smiles but cannot stand so I drop to him as he slides the ring on my finger. "Thank you for making me the happiest person in the world"

"I love you"

"I love you too, Nicky"

* * *

A year later...

I still work at the lab and since returning to the field people forgave me after blaming me. Nick was the escape goat everyone blamed Nick I would defend him any chance I could get; I was friends with everyone until someone would try and talk bad about Nick. So he would rarely visit me at the lab he would try to avoid and I didn't blame him.

Nick has been sober for ten months he says that his biggest inspirations are me, Lindsay, and our daughter Ellie. He is also been a successful criminal justice teacher since leaving the lab. He loves it and I love seeing my husband happy.

Today I just finished a double I sit at my desk I look at our family photo. I am glad that Nick is the one I ended up with he is really the man I love. I rub my tired eyes.

"I love that shirt on you" I look and I see Nick smiling. I run up and engulf him in a tremendous hug. "Hey I thought I would surprise you"

"You most definitely did" I kiss him sweetly "what are you doing here?"

"The school let out early I thought I would surprise my wife by taking her out to lunch"

"Let me just bring this evidence to the property locker" I grab a box of evidence I see Nick look around I know he misses this. He got job offers from other departments but all were desk jobs. He said if he had to sit at a desk it wouldn't matter unless he could still make a difference so he taught.

Ellie was at a day care and I know would be Nick's next stop. I notice the lab turn into a standstill it was sickly quiet.

Last time Nick was at the lab it almost ended in a fight. Detective Vega threw coffee at him he said he spilt it on accident when I confronted later but he wanted to fight Nick at the time. Nick didn't feed in to it he smiled and told him not to worry. Nick wasn't the same ol' Nick but he new and improved.

When I returned to my office Nick is talking to Ray and Mandy. Hodges was promoted to field mouse and was out in the field with Greg and Sara was also out in the field.

I joined them and Nick put his arm around me.

"How is teaching?" Mandy asked quiet happy.

"Great it's something new every day... I really enjoy it"

Mandy smiled left to get her results Ray followed. Officers walk by and glare at Nick he doesn't care and pulls me into a hug.

"Let's get outta here" I say huskily

"Ok darling" I love his accent!

I look over and see a couple of suits walking towards us I hear a shot and glass explode. Nick tackles me into my office. The alarm starts to go off that we installed at the last lab invasion.

"It's always nice to be here" Nick said he crawled out I looked over as did I we see Brass struggling with the perp. The perp knocks Brass down as he aims his weapon at him. Nick takes off and tackles the perp as he fires.

"Nick!" I yell the other perp pulls on Nick ripping his shirt and uniform officers jump in and stop the invasion. Brass stood and helped Nick get to his feet.

"Thanks man" Brass said

"No problem... We are a team" Nick said as he starts hiccupping.

"Nick is you alright?"

"I'm fine it's just a side effect of having one lung" Nick said smiling, everyone starred at Nick's chest the long scar from the shooting in full sight. "Come on let's go get Ellie" Nick said taking me by my hand.

"I love you" I whisper to him. He's so fearless and very self sacrificing and I love that about him.

"I love you too" he says.

* * *

After we finished watching a movie I watch my daughters and husband sleep on the couch. Nick treats Lindsay as if she is his own and Ellie is definitely a daddy's girl. Ellie has brown short hair with Nick's big beautiful brown eyes.

After everything we have been through I try to absorb it all in. Nick and I went from friends with benefits sneaking off to be together. Nick was a violent, explosive, secretive, and a drunk with no friends though that hasn't changed much. Nick is now a successful teacher, sober, a great father, and now my wonderful husband that I wouldn't change for the world.

"The movie over" Nick asked as Ellie fussed a little "let me bring her to bed and I'll see you in a minute" he kisses me on the cheek and brings our dour month daughter to her crib. I throw a blanket on Lindsay and tuck her in the best I could.

He joins me in bed.

"What are you doing?" he asks me kissing me.

"Just thinking"

"About what?"

"Everything..." I say quietly

"Everything happens the way it is supposed to" he answers.

The way the events happened that made Nick and I who we are today I don't regret. This all happened for a reason, I would have not minded if there was less death involved and hatred. However now I have another daughter and the man I love, so it did happen the way it was suppose.

* * *

Go in with a boom you gotta go out with a boom! Please Review! Tell me what you think?


	16. Say My Name

Want or Need?

Don't own them!

I know I said that the last chapter was going to be the last chapter but I lied. This idea came from a rumor I had overheard a little while back.

Please Enjoy and Review!

Ch16: Say my Name

* * *

A year later...

Oh geez I messed up. I don't even know how to explain to him why I did that. I can't believe I did that to Nick after all we had been through. Oh this is just awful. Sorry won't even begin to cover it. How do you apologize to your husband when you say another name's while making love?

So here I sit naked on my bed. I was able to see Nick as he was leaving for work and we thought we could sneak one in. We were just about to finish and I said Lou. Nick just left. I don't even know how I should handle this it is definitely embarrassing.

* * *

_Nick's POV_

Today, we had a field trip and are coming back now. Some of the kids left with their parents and a lot of the others riding on the other bus. Ms. Zimmer the cosmetology teacher and I ran a joint field trip. So a lot of the boys left because they wanted to see the cos girls.

There are a few kids on my bus but they're listening to their pod things and playing on the phones. And I guess you can tell that I'm trying to avoid the fact that my wife called me a different man's name in the bedroom this morning. I can't believe it.

We have gone through so much. And it's been so long. So long. Now I feel betrayed. I thought we had a trust and now I wondered if she thinks about him all the time. I thought she would have come to me if she was having trouble. But I guess I was wrong.

Her life wasn't the one that was completely turned upside. She wasn't shot lost a lung. She didn't have all her friends turn their back on her. I've sacrificed so much for her and I don't regret it but I wonder if she does.

She's been trying to call me all day but I haven't answered. I'm mad and I have a lot of mix feelings.

"Mr. Stokes," a student, Arnelle, says to me. Arnelle is a troubled teen; he's had a tough childhood from what I have gathered. "You alright? You seem kind of out of it,"

"Long day..."

"I hear that," he says turning then talking to another student, Jimmy.

Arnelle is a tall kid, a basketball player. He is an alright student, a terrible test taker and note taker. He's got a lot of swag as he says, with his baggy pants and fitted caps. Jimmy is a somewhat country boy at heart. He plays baseball and he and Arnelle are the best of buds. It reminds me of Warrick and me.

"Mr. Stokes!" Michael says, he's another student he's got the highest average but I can't figure out how he's gives off the impression of a dumb jock and he hangs with Arnelle and Jimmy.

"What?" I ask them confused.

"Dude don't ask him. That'll be weird," Jimmy says

"Whoa bro," Arnelle adds "I want to see what Stokes says, go mikey boy," Arnelle will usually call me Stokes or hiccups.

"Me too," Michael's girlfriend Vicky says all of sudden all of them are debating whether to ask me or not.

"What's going on?" I ask pushing up my glasses turning around in my bus seat.

Aging has been unforgiving on my eyes.

"Rumor around school is that Meghan is FWB's with Charlie," Vicky says, Charlie is a student my class he's quiet strange but I guess in a cool way... I don't know.

"FWB?"

"Friends with benefits, that's like the new thing,"

"Oh..." I say knowing all too well about the subject "that never works," the kids awe and look surprised.

"How do you know? Sex with no strings attached sounds nice," Arnelle says smiling.

"It does sound nice but there is always strings attached. What if the girl you're sleeping with is with other guys or vice versa? Feelings always get involved," I say showing my wedding ring.

"Mr. Stokes, how'd you meet the misses?" Vicky asks I smile and laugh.

"We used to work together. She was my best friend,"

"FWB's?"

"I... I guess you could say that,"

"Yea boy!" Arnelle says excited.

"Listen if you really want to know the dangers of that. Remember a case a couple years back when a cop killed himself and shot his fiancée's lover then his fiancée. That puts a lot of stress on people and you never know who you're messing with,"

"Mr. Stokes, wasn't that you?" Jimmy says, I release a deep breath and nod.

"But was she worth it, Mr. Stokes?" Arnelle asks looking directly at me.

"Oh yea, everyday" except for today.

When we arrive back at school I saw Catherine already there standing in front of the building. She looks beautiful, she always does.

"Who has to go to the classroom?" I ask Jimmy and Arnelle raise their hands.

"Your rides are all here?" I get a mix of nods and yes's. "Alright I'll see you all Monday," I say as the doors open and they practically run over each other getting off.

"Nick," Mrs. Zimmer says "can you let some of the cos girls in? I have a doctor's appointment that I'm going be late for if I don't leave right now,"

"Sure no problem,"

"Life saver thanks!" she says running to her car. I follow the students to the front of the building where Catherine is. Arnelle walks up to her.

"Are you Mrs. Stokes?" he says I look at Catherine her face is puzzled. Catherine didn't take my last name.

"Umm… Yes"

"You're a lucky woman. Hiccups is a great guy," he says shaking her hand "take care of him," he says running off to meet up with Jimmy.

"Hey babe," I say her face lights up in happiness but also in great surprise. I lift her up in a sweet hug as I feel the hiccups come.

"I'm so sorry. I don't even..." she rambles but I give her a small kiss stopping her.

"Some of the kids need to go to the classroom... Walk with me," I say taking her hand.

On our car ride home it was very quiet I kept looking at her but she just looked at the window as if avoided me.

"Why?" I ask she covers her face. But I try and pretend to be happy but in all realness I feel like I'm losing my mind and wife. "Is it something I did? Did I do something that reminded you of him?"

"I don't even know why,"

"Do you think about him while we..."

"No no... Not at all Nicky,"

"Then why did you say his name?" I'm very reluctant to Lou aloud as if his name is bad luck, but it does bring back bad memories.

"Ok! He's been in my dreams these last couple nights. I was focused on you but all of a sudden I felt like he was there like he was going to bust in on us,"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought you would get more mad,"

"No what makes me mad is that something is bothering you and instead of telling me. I get to feel insecure to a dead man," I say as we stop for a red light finally I'm able to look at her and try to register what she's thinking. She pulls me into a powerful kiss.

"You shouldn't feel insecure you're the best man I've ever been with. Not just in the bedroom either... You're the nicest, sweetest, funniest man. You're a great father to Ellie and Lindsay... And I am blessed that every morning when I wake up your there laying next to me," I feel a wave of relief and smile "I love you and I'm very blessed to have you in my life,"

* * *

a little fluff never hurt no one :)


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